Changing your identity to guarantee success

Many people get stuck in a rut, making the same mistakes over and over again. But small changes can make a big difference and set you on the path to success

I used to drink. I was riddled with trauma, negative coping methods and a serious chip on my shoulder. At my worst points, I would drink until I lost control of my bodily functions and even threw a keg at a friend which required him needing stitches, I still feel guilty about it. I threw a bottle at military police in front of our veterans’ association and honorary colonel. If you are reading this thinking “cool”, then you may have your priorities wrong.

I had to change, but being motivated to change and sustaining the process is difficult.

The problem with motivation is that it fades. I have had the honour of working with a variety of top five-percenters; Special Forces, Paralympic Athletes, Armed Officers of the Law, Boxers, Body Builders and various others at the top of their respective fields. They all share one thing; a set of habitual behaviours that ensure their success.

Paralympians don’t turn up cheering to the gym for their third session of the day, Body Builders are not skipping on the spot giddily as their fourth tub of chicken and rice slowly rotates in the microwave, academics are not gleefully thumbing their way through every piece of research ever written. In fact, I have yet to meet any of the top performers that actually take any real joy from the gargantuan task that lies in front of them, but they all share positive habitual behaviours.

Getting into good habits

So, what is habitual behaviour? A habit is a behaviour that you do with little to no thought, it’s done regularly and it’s difficult to break and make. About 45% of our behaviour is habitual, and it’s based around the brain’s desire to conserve energy – we don’t want to waste energy, so we repeat behaviours to the point we no longer have to consider them.

Relatively simple, there’s a neurological process too, revolving around neuroplasticity and synaptic connections and a fatty layer sealing cells into place known as myelin. It does become complicated here, but we just need to understand that our brain wants us to be as habitual as possible to conserve energy.

What you need to do is link habits and identity. What I want people to understand is that your identity - what you do, how you behave, is the most accurate reflection of who you are. If you consider yourself financially generous but have never given money to charity, then in comparison to the person that always gives money to charity, you won’t seem charitable at all. What you do, not what you think, is who you are.

To quit drinking, I changed my identity. I began working for a mental health team and I simply decided, I’m a non-drinker, my identity became that of a Mental Health Practitioner, who took a holistic approach to their well-being.

All of a sudden, my behaviours associated with who I was; drinking, smoking, not looking after myself, changed. My habits no longer fitted my identity. I studied and read instead of drinking and partying. I hydrated and improved my nutrition myself, instead of pizza and vaping. I networked and made friends, instead of arguing and fighting, and sought therapy. With this change of identity that drastically altered my habits, came success. So, look inwardly, decide who you want to be, select that identity and adopt the new habits, to guarantee success.

Check out the IMI’s Taking care of your headspace and well-being webinar for more insight into how to deal with stress

James Elliott is a Military Mental Resilience Coach