Fear and embarrassment are the two main reasons that make us dread awkward conversations! Make it easier by following these helpful tips and guides below to make it a little less difficult.
It is a good idea to remind ourselves of the consequences of not having the conversation by asking four very powerful questions:
• What would happen if I did have that conversation? • What would happen if I didn’t? • What wouldn’t happen if I did? • What wouldn’t happen if I didn’t?
Being prepared is crucial to the conversation’s successful outcome. Seven steps will help:
Think about it more positively, rather than as ‘difficult’
Consider how to deliver the message – face to face is usually best
Clarify what you want from the conversation
Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes
Practise opening words and possible responses
Anticipate concerns and questions
Practise your close
The issues of the timing of the conversation and where it will take place are a vital part of the equation and need consideration beforehand
There are various ways to open such conversations and if you get this part right, the chances are the conversation might not be so difficult after all. It can be a good idea to gently ease into some topics rather than launching straight in and an element of small talk can be helpful to put the person at ease. If you’re uncomfortable with your role in the conversation, you could say so; knowing that you too are uncomfortable can strangely help the other person! If you have issues with a boss who has not been a good boss to date, it is imperative to address them first with that person. If you are taken by surprise, stall the person to give yourself time to handle the conversation competently.
Knowing how to end a difficult conversation can often be as tricky as knowing how to start it. You need to consider:
How to summarise what’s been covered
How to move to action if relevant
Referring to someone else, if appropriate
How to thank the other person for their time
How to follow up
Finally, ten tips to help make it easier:
Think positively: imagine that the other party has a positive intent, no matter what the topic. Imagine a win/win outcome; this will make the conversation go easier.
Know your goal or your core message: why do you need this conversation, what do you hope to achieve and what would be an ideal outcome?
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes: how might they react to this conversation? What might be their concerns? Acknowledge their emotions. Don’t assume they see your point of view.
Practise your words, ensuring you will be able to state the issues clearly and be prepared for any response.
Be in control: stay ‘on message’ and keep emotions at bay. If you allow yourself to get into an argument, then your rational brain has switched off. Remind yourself of your goal and stay objective. Don’t take things personally.
Be specific: if appropriate, focus on the behaviour you want changed rather than the person. If behaviour isn’t the topic of conversation, then be specific about facts and outcomes.
Build rapport – be empathetic.
Listen: if appropriate, listen first to what they have to say, before you put your point of view. If you have to speak first, do so and then ask for their opinion – and listen without interruption.
Check understanding: the danger is when the person on the receiving end of a difficult conversation only hears bits of what you say and then distorts the words and the meaning afterwards. It is helpful either to summarise what has been said or agreed or, better still, ask them what they have understood. Depending on the issue at stake, it might even be worth having an independent witness present to affirm what was said.
Take action: explore together how to improve matters or explain what is to happen next. Stay solution-focused rather than problem-focused. Always think: ‘what do we want to have happen?’
